Getting back to ME!!!!!! :) very long and probably boring, sorry.

I usually don't use my blog to blog about me., A- I really hate talking about myself much, I mean, sure on the phone when people ask how's life, I tell them, but putting personal stuff about me on the internet freaks me out a little bit, not for security reasons, I am just a little shy about ME, so I am pretty to myself. Okay, that was WAY to much explaning but anywhoo.

I am going to write a post about me, well, kind of, just something that I have been thinking about for a long time, and it might get a little wordy, so if you have any ADD at all, you probably won't wan't to read this.

for years, I have had the same struggle in my life, or my married life, I should say. the struggle to "multiply and replenish" the earth if you will. :)

I have been married for 8 years this past November, I have 2 wonderful Beautiful children, both boys, and I love them more than anything. But it was not fun, trying to get either one of them here, it was painful physically and emotionally and even financially challenging at one point. I would never take back those experiences for anything, although, I hated the time that I was desperatly trying, and all the crying and bitterness, it brought me my boys, and I am grateful for them. As I have looked back though, I have noticed one thing...I forgot me. I think I checked out of "my" life for a while, I was so in to " oh my gosh, I have to have a crap load of kids and I can't" kind of thinking that I just put "me" on the backburner.

I mean, I use to have things I loved to be involved in, one of which was music, I have loved music, since my first one man band set I got as a Christmas gift when I was young. Something about it, is so serene to me, it can take me from sad to happy in a moment's notice, It has always healed me, when I needed it. I relate everything through music.

I kind of forgot that for a while. A- I am super shy, and so most people don't even know that I have any musical ability at all, I am pretty private about it, and almost prefer that no one knows, so why I am posting this on my blog is a really good question. But I have made a decision..I am taking back Erica, not Erica the Wife, daughter or Mother. but just Me. I have things I love to do , I am gonna do them. I need to "get a life" I guess you would say.

Yesterday I saw this and posted this on Facebook. this girl is an amazing singer, songwriter, guitar player, etc. and I just had this chill run up me, and this voice saying, You need to get back to this kind of stuff. I have this guitar sitting in my closet in it's case with so much dust on it, Now, I can only play a little, but I have decided to take it out, start playing and practicing again and hey, maybe even write a song. Music is a healer to me, and it hit me , this whole time I have been stuggling in my life, through many different things, I put aside one of the things that always helped me most. Well No more.

I am so excited about this, I know it does not sound like much to anyone, but I am so happy to feel like I can live again. I might not fit into the cookie cutter mold like I think I need to, but I am Me, and I have some things I can do, and I am gonna start doing them again, who knows where it could lead me. propably nowhere exciting..lol, but to a much happier place that's for sure.

I know now, that the trials I have , are something that I have been trusted with. I think The Lord has much more faith in me than I do in myself. And it's almost like that Epiphany just hit me for some reason. I am stong, and I will make it , no matter what. but what's wrong with a little extra happiness in there somewhere.

Okay, I am sure none of this made sense, but I just had to get it off my chest,and shoulders this thing I have been carrying around for so long all by myself at times. I give it back. I take me back. and am looking foward to the peace, I know it will bring me.

Everyone's life is different, I am grateful for my life, my Family, Kids, friends, and yes even my trials. It has made me stronger and more resiliant.

Here is the video, That started this all for me. Priscilla Ahn, is amaing and has inspired me.