Getting back to ME!!!!!! :) very long and probably boring, sorry.

I usually don't use my blog to blog about me., A- I really hate talking about myself much, I mean, sure on the phone when people ask how's life, I tell them, but putting personal stuff about me on the internet freaks me out a little bit, not for security reasons, I am just a little shy about ME, so I am pretty to myself. Okay, that was WAY to much explaning but anywhoo.

I am going to write a post about me, well, kind of, just something that I have been thinking about for a long time, and it might get a little wordy, so if you have any ADD at all, you probably won't wan't to read this.

for years, I have had the same struggle in my life, or my married life, I should say. the struggle to "multiply and replenish" the earth if you will. :)

I have been married for 8 years this past November, I have 2 wonderful Beautiful children, both boys, and I love them more than anything. But it was not fun, trying to get either one of them here, it was painful physically and emotionally and even financially challenging at one point. I would never take back those experiences for anything, although, I hated the time that I was desperatly trying, and all the crying and bitterness, it brought me my boys, and I am grateful for them. As I have looked back though, I have noticed one thing...I forgot me. I think I checked out of "my" life for a while, I was so in to " oh my gosh, I have to have a crap load of kids and I can't" kind of thinking that I just put "me" on the backburner.

I mean, I use to have things I loved to be involved in, one of which was music, I have loved music, since my first one man band set I got as a Christmas gift when I was young. Something about it, is so serene to me, it can take me from sad to happy in a moment's notice, It has always healed me, when I needed it. I relate everything through music.

I kind of forgot that for a while. A- I am super shy, and so most people don't even know that I have any musical ability at all, I am pretty private about it, and almost prefer that no one knows, so why I am posting this on my blog is a really good question. But I have made a decision..I am taking back Erica, not Erica the Wife, daughter or Mother. but just Me. I have things I love to do , I am gonna do them. I need to "get a life" I guess you would say.

Yesterday I saw this and posted this on Facebook. this girl is an amazing singer, songwriter, guitar player, etc. and I just had this chill run up me, and this voice saying, You need to get back to this kind of stuff. I have this guitar sitting in my closet in it's case with so much dust on it, Now, I can only play a little, but I have decided to take it out, start playing and practicing again and hey, maybe even write a song. Music is a healer to me, and it hit me , this whole time I have been stuggling in my life, through many different things, I put aside one of the things that always helped me most. Well No more.

I am so excited about this, I know it does not sound like much to anyone, but I am so happy to feel like I can live again. I might not fit into the cookie cutter mold like I think I need to, but I am Me, and I have some things I can do, and I am gonna start doing them again, who knows where it could lead me. propably nowhere exciting..lol, but to a much happier place that's for sure.

I know now, that the trials I have , are something that I have been trusted with. I think The Lord has much more faith in me than I do in myself. And it's almost like that Epiphany just hit me for some reason. I am stong, and I will make it , no matter what. but what's wrong with a little extra happiness in there somewhere.

Okay, I am sure none of this made sense, but I just had to get it off my chest,and shoulders this thing I have been carrying around for so long all by myself at times. I give it back. I take me back. and am looking foward to the peace, I know it will bring me.

Everyone's life is different, I am grateful for my life, my Family, Kids, friends, and yes even my trials. It has made me stronger and more resiliant.

Here is the video, That started this all for me. Priscilla Ahn, is amaing and has inspired me.

New Years..

New Year's we went to my Grandma's, she always has a New Years party for the Grandkids and families.. The kids love it and have a lot of fun, and at Midgnight, we are out like idiots running in the street and watching all the neighboorhood fireworks ..

I have to say, Braedon...I love that kid, but not the most excited about lot's of things, especially being up past his bedtime and or anything pertaining to fireworks or loudness..I am not sure where he comes from, not this loudmouth family..just kidding..He is such a kick, but when he gets around other's he becomes pretty quiet, just observing everything around him..

Keaton, he just has fun with his cousins, and is loud and hyper and can't wait till midnight, he just is the life of the party..now, that he get's from me, of course..

here are some pics from that night, with my family, including Grandma..we love her very much..

Christmas

Christmas this year was nice..

Keaton is our little outdoorsman..seriously, most boys like to play ball and stuff like that, Keaton is obsessed with Hunting..which is a little scary to me, but hey, I'm going with it. his favorite channel is not Disney, it is the Hunting channel.. you see where I am going with this..He could live at the Bass Pro shop ..we could spend all day there and he would still not be satisfied, he knows more about weapons than I do. lol..

What can I say, my kid loves to kill God's creations..lol, Ok I am being a bit dramatic.

So..all in all he got what he has wanted. a hunting game, as a family we bought a Wii, which I never thought I would, I always said nope..Not gonna be a video game family, just did not want to go there, but it is a lot of fun.

He could hunt with his wii game for hours, I am finding myself having to really put limits on it.

both boys were spoiled this year, and they have been having fun ever since.

It's been a while...Recap..

Okay, I am sucking big time at keeping up with the blog..so here is a quick recap..

Let's break this down into a few posts..

In December Keaton had his Christmas Concert for School, he got to stand up on stage with all the Kindergarten kids and sing a few songs..It was all over in about 2 minutes which had me laughing, but it was cute..

Then comes the Temple light pics..We go every year, usually with some friends..but this year that did not work out, so we went one evening by ourselves., I just want to say, we all look like ragamuffins in these pics..my boys look messy and so do Jeff and I...lol..oh well..we love to go see the temple lights..such a peaceful feeling to go to the temple grounds anyway, but at Christmas time, it is a really great experience..

here are some pics..

Here she is in all her glory...:)

Did I get your attention..lol..

This is my Sister from another Mister, Cylee..
She was in town for a visit with her in-laws, and we got to hang for a night, it was wonderful , steak dinner and a movie. We giggled like school girls the whole time, and I am pretty sure everyone around us thought we were a couple, but it was such a great time.

Cylee was my roomate many years ago, one of many that I adore and love, but this chick really got on my nerves when we first met, she was just so dang mormon. she had this ridiculously bright glow about her, it annoyed me so much,..I thought..yeah right who is this excited about going to Church for 3 hours..yep Cylee..lol..

all kidding aside, she really is one of the closest people I have here on this Earth, she loves me despite my many many flaws, and she doesn't even flinch when I say something outrageous, she loves me for me, such a rare quality in a friend,

Even though, I know I drove her completely nuts, with my harsh attitude and sarcasm (which never seems to go away), she never gave up on me, I am so glad she didn't ..

those long years ago when we lived together all of us, Liz, Amy, and Cylee, was some of the best times in my life,.

I am grateful for this lady, even though this picture is somewhat well, not the best, and the background is well WOW!! I loved spending this night with her..so fun..I wish she lived here again, but in her words, "never gonna happen", lol..

love ya Cylee, thx for being you..

More Pictures..

Here's some that did not fit, mostly of Thanksgiving time..

I'm a little behind.

so I am not as good at keepin up with this thing as I would like to be..

For Halloween this year Keaton wanted to be a Skeleton..well I could not find a costume under like 30$, and I am sorry...that is just to much for a costume he will wear once for an hour or two..so I decided I can make on..well if you know me at all, you know I am not creative in that type of way at all, so I was freakin out.
My Grandmother was going to help me, and we had our plan all ready on how to make it, which was a little overwhelming to me to say the least, when all of a sudden one of the skeleton costumes went on sale, a really good one, bringing down to a price I was happy with, especially since I did not have to make it..:)

Braedon was an Indian, this was Keaton's costume when he was Braedon's age.

we also spent way to much money on a Pumpkin from a Pupmpkin patch, I thought Jeff was going to have a heart attack..but nonetheless we did it, and it turned out cute.

We had family in town for Thanksgiving. it was a blast, love seeing family and hangin out..you would of thought I got more pics of actual Thanksgiving than I did , but oh well..

I also had a chance to hang with my sista from another mista for a night..and I will tell you all about that , when she get's off her booty and emails me the rockin picture we had taken, so I can post it, and tell all...that's right..you need to stop reading this Cylee, and go to the computer and email me our pic..thx..:)

more soon.